Tuesday

Tuesday wears the scars of yesterday
while clinging to the promise of tomorrow
She has seen enough to be afraid
but not enough to abandon hope

She is unaware of what lies ahead
Blinded by faith and youthful innocence
Tuesday believes what she is served

She trusts the messages
in place of her own experiences for
She has not witnessed enough sunsets to
understand the difference

Later days will teach her
Later moments will change her
but for now
Tuesday’s teary eyes still gleam with
hope and possibility

This poem begs for an explanation. It was born from a very recent connection to a set of conflicting feelings from my inner wounded child. With some time and reflection I have come to understand a difference or split between the child within me at the time when the abuse first began and the older child who experienced routine abuse for years. This poem is a connection to that younger wounded child – the one who hurts but still believes in and longs for help and care. I call her Tuesday because in the span of a week Tuesday holds hope. Even with a bad taste from Monday, Tuesday offers the days ahead to look forward to – to turn everything around and make it alright.

Inherited Fear

What if loving you is not enough?
What if I look at you every day but never fully see you?
What if the way I view you is distorted by what I wish to see?

What if I am unable to recognize the things I fear the most?
What if harm creeps into the spaces between my love and your needs?
What if I spend my life trying to keep you from knowing the darkness I know only to lead you straight to its doorstep?

What if my lessons teach you to swallow your pain?
What if my methods create a barrier that drives you away from me?
What if my efforts lead you to retreat within yourself?

What if I thought I was doing enough?
What if I believed that your mask held your truth?
What if I never saw your tears…your pain…your need for me?
What if I couldn’t even see the ledge you are clinging onto?

Impossible Hope

My vision spins before me
Circling the drain
Energy spent against
A formidable foe
That laughs in the face
Of opposition

Where does clarity exist?
Where does safety reside?

I can taste the temptation of surrender
An impossible option
Bringing questions and doubt, while
Igniting an impervious hope
in an otherwise barren wasteland.