The Sound of the Imposter

“Who do you think you are? Your work has no place and no value outside of the walls you live in. It’s laughable – like a little kid trying to sell pages from her own coloring book. You’ll see. This will amount to nothing more than another mountain of evidence supporting the fact that you are nothing but a drain – on money, resources, and those around you.”

This is the loud voice I hear as I try to attempt something new for myself. I have officially opened an Etsy shop where I am creating original works of art for sale. I have no clear expectations for this shop – just a bit of a scrappy adventurous spirit doused with hope while swimming in a sea of murky doubt. When I advertise this site to the rest of the world it will be presented with a strong exterior of confidence that I belong here and that this venture will prove worthwhile. But this wordpress site, my wishing tree, is a place where I choose to be honest about what lies behind the masks I wear each day. So on this day, while my mask is adventurous, hopeful, and determined; underneath I am nothing more than a puddle of insecurity, shame, and feeling like an enormous imposter. I hear all of my doubts – all of my fears – all of my worries – all of my shame. It’s loud, it’s ugly, and it’s not going anywhere. I am afraid of how failure might impact me in this somewhat fragile point in my life. I am fearful that I may not be able to handle one more rejection. I feel the weight and worry of all of that, and I’m showing up anyway. I type these words with the cringe on my face that best describes how I feel in this moment.

Welcome to my new Etsy site:

ScenicHuesbySara

https://www.etsy.com/shop/ScenicHuesbySara?ref=profile_header

7 thoughts on “The Sound of the Imposter

  1. Sadly the persucutor energy lives within those of us who learned to devalue ourselves by the way life devalued us.. Believe me this voice is lying to you Sara.. You are strong you are wise, you are sensitive, you are gifted.. and believe me I am sure you do not feel strong but you are.. you make the choice to live everyday despite the abuse you went through. Really answer that bloody lying voice back its what Beverly Engel recommends we do every time it spews its vitriol and lies upon us.. Healing hugs beautiful soul. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Your work is beautiful, Sara. I am busy compiling poems to try, for the first time in decades, to get something published. Not just one poem. But a small book of them. So I know how you feel… like a butterfly showing its pattern to the world for the first time. Such nervous flittering. Inner voices can be so… mean!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

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