The healing journey of a childhood sexual abuse survivor

The idea of starting this blog originated as a suggestion by a trusted friend. I gave it some brief thought and then dismissed it as a wildly self indulgent idea. After all, who would possibly care about what I have to say?

I have been expressing myself through art for as long as I can remember. In fact, I was expressing my feelings through art long before I even realized I was doing so. Drawing, painting, and creating have provided me the ability to access and express emotions often before words can be found and assigned to them. Writing, on the other hand, has become a relatively new passion of mine. I started writing as part of my personal healing from childhood sexual abuse. I found myself often sitting in my therapist’s office silently wrestling with the thoughts, feelings, and emotions that came up. I struggled to say anything out loud. I am a deeply introspective person. I spend a great deal of time in my own head, contemplating, analyzing, judging, and often second guessing every word that comes out of my mouth. By the time I could muster up the nerve to open my mouth and let words escape, they were often so filtered and muted that they didn’t come close to representing the depth and gravity of my feelings. I would often leave therapy sessions feeling defeated and full of regret for not being able to express my truth.

When I learned that I could write without the inhibition of self judgement an amazing thing started to happen. I began to access feelings and emotions that I had never expressed before. I learned how to give a voice to my deepest raw and unfiltered emotions. At first my writing remained tightly held in my own personal grasp only to be shared in my therapy sessions. Then I braved the idea of sharing some of my writing with a few people close to me, and I experienced this amazing reciprocating validation and connection from it. I learned that while my experiences may be vastly different from others, the thought processes and emotions that I experience are incredibly relatable. The more I shared the less alone, different, and broken I felt in my own feelings. I learned that my honest and open expression created not only a growing interpersonal connection between myself and others, but it also allowed others to better connect and relate to their own feelings.

Writing and art have allowed me to create a bridge from my deepest truest self into the hearts of others. This growing and healing connection I have felt has become the catalyst for taking this step and starting this blog. We were not meant to sit silently and wrestle with our deepest struggles alone. It is my hope to create a space for freeing, open, and honest expression. A place for connection, validation, and insight. A place of collective support where we can face our struggles together.

Welcome to my wishing tree

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Sunshower
Though your garden is grey
I know all your graces
Someday will flower
In a sweet sunshower
~Chris Cornell