The healing journey of a childhood sexual abuse survivor

The idea of starting this blog originated as a suggestion by a trusted friend. I gave it some brief thought and then dismissed it as a wildly self indulgent idea. After all, who would possibly care about what I have to say?

I have been expressing myself through art for as long as I can remember. In fact, I was expressing my feelings through art long before I even realized I was doing so. Drawing, painting, and creating have provided me the ability to access and express emotions often before words can be found and assigned to them. Writing, on the other hand, has become a relatively new passion of mine. I started writing as part of my personal healing from childhood sexual abuse. I found myself often sitting in my therapist’s office silently wrestling with the thoughts, feelings, and emotions that came up. I struggled to say anything out loud. I am a deeply introspective person. I spend a great deal of time in my own head, contemplating, analyzing, judging, and often second guessing every word that comes out of my mouth. By the time I could muster up the nerve to open my mouth and let words escape, they were often so filtered and muted that they didn’t come close to representing the depth and gravity of my feelings. I would often leave therapy sessions feeling defeated and full of regret for not being able to express my truth.

When I learned that I could write without the inhibition of self judgement an amazing thing started to happen. I began to access feelings and emotions that I had never expressed before. I learned how to give a voice to my deepest raw and unfiltered emotions. At first my writing remained tightly held in my own personal grasp only to be shared in my therapy sessions. Then I braved the idea of sharing some of my writing with a few people close to me, and I experienced this amazing reciprocating validation and connection from it. I learned that while my experiences may be vastly different from others, the thought processes and emotions that I experience are incredibly relatable. The more I shared the less alone, different, and broken I felt in my own feelings. I learned that my honest and open expression created not only a growing interpersonal connection between myself and others, but it also allowed others to better connect and relate to their own feelings.

Writing and art have allowed me to create a bridge from my deepest truest self into the hearts of others. This growing and healing connection I have felt has become the catalyst for taking this step and starting this blog. We were not meant to sit silently and wrestle with our deepest struggles alone. It is my hope to create a space for freeing, open, and honest expression. A place for connection, validation, and insight. A place of collective support where we can face our struggles together.

Welcome to my wishing tree

Latest from the Blog

An Anniversary of Sorts

Originally posted on Wishing Tree:
Four years. Today marks four years since the man who sexually abused me was arrested based solely on my police report. Today marks the pivotal day where this man learned that he can no longer hurt me. As a reminder of this day I have the lasting image of his…

The Flip Side of Hope

It knows where to find meClinging and grippingOnto something hardly tangibleIt hovers nearbyWaiting and knowingIts presenceMy reminderThat what I grasp forDoes not belong to meThat what I needExceeds what I can wish for

Growing New Beliefs

What truths do you possess about yourself? What beliefs about who you are provide a foundation of guiding support in your life? These are questions that have been swirling in my mind this past week. These are questions that don’t seem to have easy answers that I can securely hold onto. I enjoy hiking. Summit … Continue reading Growing New Beliefs

Painting Sunshine

Sometimes healing requires painting your own sunshine.

Object Permanence

Each morning I park my car in my son’s school parking lot. I exit the car, put my mask on my face, and open the door to help him gather his belongings as he climbs out. I walk him to the edge of the parking lot, give him a hug and a kiss on the … Continue reading Object Permanence

Spiderwebs

You know the feeling. You’re walking along and suddenly and unknowingly enter into the nearly invisible presence of a spiderweb. You’re startled. You did not see it ahead of you and even now can’t see it on you, but you can feel its stretchy fibers reaching across your skin. First you feel it on the … Continue reading Spiderwebs

No Longer Silenced

“I couldn’t whisper when you needed it shoutedAh, but I’m singing like a bird ‘bout it now” – Shrike by Hozier These song lyrics are a reminder of why I venture into the painful work of healing from childhood trauma. They are my reminder that my own voice can help connect to and heal the … Continue reading No Longer Silenced

Lessons From The Body

We all have memories tied to different sensory experiences. The sight, sound, or smell of something can take us on a ride back to a memory that left a lasting impression. This is a gift when we are reminded of a loved one or of an experience we wish to treasure in our heart forever. … Continue reading Lessons From The Body

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Sunshower
Though your garden is grey
I know all your graces
Someday will flower
In a sweet sunshower
~Chris Cornell